PatrickPretty.com

Tag: Scam.com

  • MOTHER’S DAY FANTASY POST: Legendary MLM Scammer Phil Pumpernickel Says He’ll Package ‘Troll Spray’; Fraudster Announces He’ll Coax Affiliates To Trade On Donald Trump’s Name To Reel In The ‘Birthers’

    EDITOR’S NOTE: The “story” below is not real. The PP Blog occasionally presents fantasy posts, parody and satire as a means of advancing the discussion about issues in the world of online crime and marketing schemes.

    SOUTH FLORIDA (PPBlog) — Phil Pumpernickel, the unapologetic scammer who once started an “opportunity” that hawked caskets MLM-style after telling the world he was moved to do so after being reduced to tears by the “fine Christian” conducting his “sainted grandmother’s” funeral, is getting in the “troll spray” business.

    Pumpernickel said he decided to “seize the moment” and launch a new frauduct after being impressed by a photographic depiction of troll spray used as an avatar on Scam.com by a fellow MLM aficionado doing battle with critics.

    “Those people who speak out against MLM and all the so-called ‘scams’ are just a bunch of bigots,” Pumpernickel said. “They’re all a bunch of mindless trolls. Many of them not only are anti-MLM, but are anti-American.

    “I mean, they actually think Obama was born in the United States,” he protested. “I’m so glad I saw that avatar. It’s important for trolls to be put in their place and dressed down in public. All the best MLMers are doing that now — that and coming up with great, highly descriptive terms such as ‘bigots’ and ‘haters’ and ‘whiners’ to describe the self-appointed critics. All of these things are helping  to paint MLM in the most favorable light. The pro-MLMers at Scam.com are PR geniuses, I’ll tell you, and I can’t thank them enough. In any event, I decided to build an entire new scam around a ‘troll-spray’ theme.”

    Although the MLM casket business failed during “prelaunch” in no small measure “because of the trolls,” Pumpernickel said, the troll-spray business would be different.

    “What I’m going to do,” he said, “is plant the seed that affiliates should use more pictures of Donald Trump this time to help sanitize the opportunity. I can get the ‘Birthers’ that way, and make people believe Trump has endorsed the program.”

    The failure of affiliates to take full advantage of Trump’s celebrity to hawk the casket “opportunity” was one of its biggest shortcomings, Pumpernickel conceded.

    “People can call me a lot of things — and I’m well aware of my reputation as a serial scammer — but they’ll never be able to claim this time that my affiliate’s efforts to trade on Trump’s name without authority were insufficient,” the celebrated scammer said. “My fellow scammers made it perfectly clear to me that I need to ‘Trump’ up my next fraud scheme, and I listened.”

    Pumpernickel added that he was considering advice from a “group” of fellow scammers who recommended he add the names and images of Oprah Winfrey and former Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush to the troll-spray promos. He declined to name members of the group, except to say “they are all veteran scammers who’ve made millions and millions and millions.”

    But Pumpernickel hinted that there is some early dissension in the ranks about how best to proceed with the troll-spray scam.

    “Some of these people are convinced that trading on Oprah’s name without permission ‘works’ because of the chain-letter scams and the impressive success of the recent acai-berry scams,” Pumpernickel said. “My take is a bit different at the moment, given what the FTC did in the acai cases, but I’ve agreed to take the matter under advisement. In this early, pre-prelauch stage, though, I’m given to believe that Oprah may be a little too hot right now. The FTC is playing hardball.”

    Pumpernickel said he was less concerned about using the names of the former presidents.

    “Hey,” he said, “the Mantria people used Clinton. And the AdSurfDaily people used Bush. No one can doubt the success of those schemes — and the scams are old enough now that trotting out the Presidents again to plant the seed that they endorse troll spray just might be viewed as a fresh approach.”

    Among the lies he intended to make go viral were that the troll-spray product not only was useful in keeping anti-MLM trolls at a distance in person and on forums, but also could be used to improve a car’s gas mileage, grow apples the size of “Washington state” and cure cancer, Pumpernickel said.

    “What I’ll do,” he revealed, “is simply plant the seed that the product has all of these benefits. My affiliates have proven over time that they can be relied upon to do no checking or independent research whatsoever. Marketing online is beautiful in this way. They’ll take the ideas I plant, and before it’s all over, they’ll have Trump as the president of the company, Bush as director emeritus and a famous cancer hospital not only saying the product cures the disease, but also that the entire hospital staff is warding off the disease by consuming apples that are bigger than pumpkins.”

    Ultimately, Pumpernickel said, “the goal of any good scam is to plant the seed that fabulous wealth is possible.

    “We’ll do that, too, of course,” he promised. “I’ve had success in the past by rambling on and on about commissions 10 levels deep and talking about the ‘millions’ I’ve made. But the best viral scams are the ones that mix those elements with what I call the ‘Real Unreal.’

    “For example, Trump is a ‘real’ person,” Pumpernickel said, “but it’s ‘unreal’ that he”ll be involved in the troll-spray product. My best promoters will be the ones who make the best use out of all the ‘Real-Unreal’ elements out there. I mean, the possibilities are endless.”

    Pumpernickel said he was in the process of negotiating with a vendor to brand and package the troll spray, which a newly created shell company likely would market for $19.95 per can, with volume discounts if the product is purchased by the case.

    Prospects will be told they can join the opportunity for “free” and will be encouraged to invite their mothers to do so.

    “It’s always best when we have a good group of mothers helping us market our scams,” Pumpernickel said. “We should be ready to start the prelaunch by Father’s Day next month. If something goes wrong with the actual prelaunch and launch and people don’t get paid, I’ll just change the rules and tell the folks to pretend it never happened. I learned that by observing the launch and prelaunch of Data Network Affiliates last year.

    “And if people ask too many questions,” he concluded, “I’ll plant the seed that I know leg-breakers and call all the critics ‘bigots.’ It’s great PR.”

  • EDITORIAL: Congratulations, Naysayers. Narc That Car Promoter ‘Jah’ Says You Deserve Additional Recognition As ‘Scammers’

    Narc That Car promoter “Jah,” who previously declared that repping for the company was like working for the “Census Bureau” and that his downline group would cap earnings claims in check-waving videos on YouTube at three figures because “we’re not going to be out here flashing, you know, five-figure checks” now suggests at Scam.com (see link below) that the firm’s critics merit a promotion.

    If you criticize Narc That Car, which also is known as Crowd Sourcing International, you’re no longer a simple “naysayer.” According to Jah, you’re a “naysayer scammer.”

    It was not immediately clear if other Narc That Car promoters or promoters of other questionable business opportunities would follow Jah’s lead and add the word “scammer” after the word “naysayer” in their efforts to cloud issues and discredit critics.

    Also unclear is whether Jah had come to believe that the word “naysayer” alone had run out of steam and needed a boost from a word that packed an extra wallop.

    At one time, Jah incorporated a strategy of actually calling Narc That Car a scam to refute claims that the company might be using a questionable business model associated with pyramid schemes. That approach apparently fizzled. His NarcThatCarIsAScam.info website has not been updated since it bashed the Better Business Bureau March 27, and Jah apparently has turned to an approach that labels NarcThatCar critics as scammers, as opposed to calling the company itself a scam to prove his point that it is not.

    It is too soon to tell whether “naysayer scammer” will gain traction and emerge as a sort of perfect insult that will cause critics to acknowledge they’d lost both the PR war and the intellectual confrontation before retreating and scattering to the winds to nurse their wounds in private.

    Jah also is persistently attacking the Better Business Bureau, which gave Narc That Car an “F” rating. And he has attacked the PP Blog, repeatedly asserting that the Blog lied about Narc That not being affiliated with Code Amber in a bid to discredit the company.

    The PP Blog never asserted NTC had no relationship with Code Amber, which means Jah is arguing against a claim the Blog never made. The Blog reported that the U.S. Department of Justice denied that the federally managed AMBER Alert program, which NTC referenced in a promotional video, had any affiliation with NTC.

    Jah previously has dismissed critics as simple “naysayers” and “haters.” He has never explained how such terms were consistent with a professional approach to public relations. Oddly, Jah persistently attacks critics for producing what he describes as hearsay — all the while attempting to bolster his hearsay case against critics by passing along third-party assertions purportedly from his upline.

    Narc That Car says it is in the business of paying people to record license-plate numbers for entry in a database purportedly used by companies in the business of repossessing automobiles. Tactics employed by some repo companies are controversial, and the National Consumer Law Center has linked the repo trade to six deaths since 2006.

    Meanwhile, the repo business has ties to to so-called “buy here, pay here” business in which used-car lots finance purchases for high-risk borrowers, often in areas of high poverty and unemployment.

    Millions of dollars were stolen from three pension funds in the Detroit area when they were invested in such a used-car lot in Metropolitan Atlanta, according to the SEC.

    Like members of the AdSurfDaily, AdViewGlobal and AdGateWorld autosurfs, Jah has seized on the name of the PP Blog to discredit it, describing it on the WorkAtHomeForum as authored by “Patrick the pretty guy.”

    Other critics of the Blog have referred to it as “Pretty Patrick.” Some have suggested it should be dismissed because its author either is gay or confused about his gender. Among other things, the author had been called a “fag,” an “it” and just plain “ugly.” One critic of the Blog suggested the world might have been a better place had the author’s mother aborted him.

    Virtually all of the Blog’s critics have purported to be professional business people. Regardless, many of them have raced from one scam to the next, dragging their downlines with them and subjecting themselves and their downline members to both civil and criminal prosecution.

    Visit Scam.com to observe Jah toiling with the critics.